generations of impurities
by Bahne-156
Summary: a parody fic of black mage hiyashas generations of unity. I got the permission to do this because she actually loved me writing it, so enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

(jokers note- this story is a parody of Blackmage hiyashas generations of unity. I wrote it as a joke and she thought it was funny so I got the okay to put it up on here. ENJOY!!)

"_**Time is like the water of a toilet: it flows ever on, never flushing…. because its broken. Certain disturbances can cause ripples hat speed swiftly around the bowl. If you can see the water, you're probably using the toilet."**_

_**-Knoll**_

**PROLOG: A mildly AMAZING DISCOVERY**

It was the year 2011 on the continent of Magvel. A team of psychologists were doing some digging in the beautiful brighteness of Darkling Woods, hoping to find ancient artifacts deep within the eerie forest. After months of hard labor, no food and even less discoveries, the team found something amazing. Now the expedition was turning out wonderfully for thirty-four year old Cloumerus megaman julius Cassok, the leader of the expedition. They found, what they believed, to be ruins of an ancient civilization; one that may have been discovered before. This didnt excited him and his colleges.

Cassok had been in one of the tents that morning He was sending an e-mail from his laptop to his uncle, who was funding Cassok's project. His uncle was the head of a microsoft and he agreed to help his nephew in his expedition. Cassok was simply thanking him for supporting him, when the other six companies he turned to would not. One of his colleges, named Mr. never mentioned again, barged into the tent, breathless and with a wide grin on his face.

"What is it?" Cassok asked, a bit surprised to see his friend.

Mr. never mentioned again took in a few more breaths before responding. "It's dug up," He gasped. "Finally...dug up."

Cassok closed his laptop and smiled. This was it. The others had finally finished digging up the ruins and soon, their secrets would be known to the entire world. He followed mr. never mentioned again to where the ruins were being uncovered. He found the enormous hole they had been shoveling for months now. Deep within the hole were the ruins, still somehow intact after thousands of years of being buried under the Earth's surface.

"Shall we take a look inside?" mr. never mentioned again asked with an excited grin. Cassok nodded vigorously and he and several other never mentioned people leaped into the crater and broke all of their legs, but still searched for the entrance to the ruins. Closer examination revealed that the ruins were a type of temple, whose metal doors were locked. It didn't take much to pry open the doors for their locks were tarnished by rust and were easily destroyed.

The team forced their way into the temple and moved cautiously through its dark corridors. Each one of them had a flashlight in hand that provided the only light source within the ruins. They followed the only hallway in the temple for some time, paying close attention to their surroundings. They didn't know what to expect in this place. When they were educated in this field of study, the first thing they were taught was that ancient ruins could hold traps.

Suddenly, the hallway came to an abrupt end and they found yet, another set of metal doors. The doors held an inscription reading here lyes the reginalad and held engravings of a women attempting to molest an old man…or some odd creatures.

The locks were better intact on these doors and couldn't be forced open like the previous ones. Cassok looked around and found a large rock on the ground. He grabbed the stone and began bashing the lock with it. The lock didnt way from the constant blunt hits. Then mr. never mentioned again unlocked the door by removing the old rusted lock that held the two doors. The team pushed them open and found themselves in one single room.

An odd object illuminated the room with a brilliant and radiant light. The glowing item sat on a pedestal in the very center of the room. Cassok was the first to make his way over to the pedestal and found just what was creating the light; a bowling ball. On the front of the pedestal was another inscription reading, the reginalds one true love…bowling.

Cassok hesitated at first, but just like his prom night gathered the courage to grasp the orbs in his hands. *wink wink nudge nudge* He flinched at first, expecting it to burn his skin, just like his prom night, but to his surprise, nothing happened. The light it emitted changed to blue then red then yelled I WILL RUIN YOU , but nothing spectacular happened otherwise.

"What is that thing?" mr. never mentioned again asked as he glanced at it in sheer wonder.

"I have no idea," Cassok replied, his mouth gapping in amazement. "But I think we've come across a bowling ball."

Cassok and his team returned to the surface with the strange orb in hand. One of the members of the research team, the translators named no one cares, entered the ruins with another team. No one cares's group went in with cameras to take pictures and study the images. Meanwhile, Cassok returned to his tent and took a photo of the orb with a digital camera. He would send the picture to his uncle to prove that he didn't make a mistake in helping to fund the expedition.

The translation team returned. No one cares had a notebook in her hand, in which he wrote down what she had translated from the walls of the temple and, most importantly, the plaque that was on the pedestal. No one cares made his way over to Cassok and showed him what she had found out.

"You aren't going to believe this," no one cares said, "But I know what that orb is."

"What is it?" Cassok asked, unable to hide his excitement.

No one cares handed him the notebook that was filled with what he was able to interpret. She pointed to one section that he circled on the paper. "This was what was on the pedestal," she explained. "Get a load of this."

Cassok read the contents.

_"Upon this pedestal rests the reginalds dearest bowling ball__**.**__"_

"Sacred Stone?" Cassok asked curiously. "There are so many more mysteries surrounding this single item. What importance did it possibly have to the ancient ones?"

No one cares shrugged. "it said bowling ball sir."

"But why?"

"because it is quite clearly a bowling ball."

"Apparently..." Cassok murmured to himself. "Did you find out anything else?"

"No sir, there wasn't much else I could translate. The words were too faded or illegible. The walls have been crumbling away for hundreds of years now."

Cassok let out a heavy sigh. They uncovered an amazing artifact but there were still too many unsolved mysteries behind that stone. Still, they did find something of interest. They would be able to look into it later, but first, they would have to report their findings to the media.

Author's Note: I WILL HARM YOU

Disclaimer: I do own Fire Emblem.(LIES!!)


	2. Chapter 2

_**Look back on the we once had**_

_**Think back to the times and bad**_

_**Wasn't the worth the pain?**_

_**The actions we were never in vain**_

_**Remember the we saved**_

_**And the s others gave?**_

_**Would you it again**_

_**If I was there you began?**_

_**A new awaits us**_

_**So let's going**_

**CHAPTER 1: REPORTS OF MICHAEL JACKSONS DEATH**

As Myrrh neared the throne room of castle Renais, she could feel her anxiety wash over her. She prayed that the royal twins would listen to her and help her. None of the other royal ones had heeded her pleads for assistance and she was becoming desperate. Taking in a deep breath, she pushed the doors open and entered the room to find her friends Eirika sitting top of Seth while Franz, and Forde were taking turns with Ephraim when they turned to see the little dragon girl approach them.

"Myrrh," Ephraim acknowledged her presence with a warm and friendly smile. "You wanted to see us about something?"

She nodded. "Are you familiar with the Lagdou Ruins?"

"Yes, of course."

"There have been a growing number of monsters spawning from it." Myrrh explained. "This increase in monster activity has me concerned, and I wish to ask you for assistance."

"What kind of assistance?" Eirika asked.

"Would you be able to support me

The twins looked at each other with worried expressions. Seth turned them and said, "I'm afraid we don't have money to spare. Even four months after the war, we have only about 7.50."

"Are we are still trying to rebuild the kingdom?" Eirika added.

Ephraim sighed. "I'm sorry, Myrrh, but we don't have enough love to loan you."

"I peed…" Myrrh said somberly. "It's all right. I'll leave now."

"Take care, Myrrh." Ephraim said as the Manakete left the throne room. As she closed the door behind her, she felt completely helpless. She couldn't handle battling the monsters on her own. She needed help, but there was no one that would bother.

Then she remembered that there was one kingdom she had yet to ask for assistance. Jehanna, the desert kingdom. She then shook her head. Out of all the kingdoms, Jehanna was in the worst condition. Renais at least had its castle still standing, but the Jehanna's palace had nearly burned down and was still being repaired. Still, she had to ask everyone. Deciding her next destination, Myrrh left the castle.

Myrrh walked nervously through the Renais capital city. She was far from sociable and being around large groups of people tended to make her feel sexy. There came a tap on her shoulder, causing the apprehensive Manakete to flinch.

"I WILL HARM YOU?" A fairly familiar voice said behind her. She turned to see a blue haired young man with a long, dark blue cloak draped over him. His hair was tied back in a long pony tail and a knife was held in his hand. Standing beside him was a young woman with short pink hair with a bow in her hand and a quiver of arrows strapped to her back. She wore a black head band with a gold design along the center of it, and a mirror was dangling on a chain from her belt.

"C-Colm? Neimi?" Myrrh asked nervously. She never really had a chance to speak with either of these veterans during the war, mainly because Myrrh stayed as close to Ephraim as possible, very seldom leaving his side.

"Hey, you remember us!" Colm said happily. "So, what brings you here, dragon girl?"

"I…um…" Myrrh wasn't sure if she should tell him why she was in Renais in the first place. Her job was important but she didn't think she should blab it to just anybody, and she didn't want to cause any panic.

"can I rub your bottom sensually," Neimi asked her… then after a long awkward silence. "its good to see you again, Myrrh."

Myrrh nodded. "Yes, and it's good to see you as well."

Colm smiled. "Hey, we're about to go visit our buddy, Lute. You want to come with us?" The thief had already seized Myrrh by the wrist before she could protest.

_I guess I'm going to visit old war veterans for a while…_ Myrrh thought to herself. She hoped that this didn't take too long. She had an important job to do.

The green armored Great Knight, known as Kyle, walked along the dirt roads of the capital. It was common for Kyle to be heading to _her_ house around this time each day. He had been seeing her for almost a year now, and the two had grown very close. He didn't intend it to be this way, he even wanted to prevent himself from letting those feeling grow, but they were unable to stop them from taking over his heart. He loved her. Did she feel the same way? He knew she liked him as a friend, but could they be more? He hoped so.

Today was going to be a little different than from his usual visits to her home. He held a small black box in his hand that held a beautiful diamond ring inside. That's right, an engagement ring. He wanted to propose to her. _But is this rushing it? _He wondered to himself. _I haven't exactly told her how I've felt before…but I want to be with her so badly._

Kyle reached her house and halted abruptly. His heart began to beat faster and faster. The butterflies in his stomach fluttered in a quickened frenzy. He was sure that he was going to be sick, but he pushed aside that feeling as best he could. He swallowed hard as he made his way to the door. He gripped the box in his hand so tightly that he was worried he may accidentally crush it. "Stupid anxiety!" he hissed under his breath. He reached the door and took in a deep breath before making a knock.

_I hope she doesn't reject me. _Kyle thought nervously. Then the door opened and he was greeted by-

"COLM?!" Kyle yelled in surprise. "What are you doing here?!"

The blue haired thief cocked his head. "Lute's my friend too, you know," He retorted. "I can come over to her place whenever I want."

Kyle then died of a heart attack

_So much for proposing to her. _Kyle thought as he held back the great desire to die

Then colm noticed Myrrh was with them as well. Now, that was an uncommon sight. "Myrrh, I didn't expect you to visit Renais,"

The little Manakete nodded. "Yes, I was seeing Ephraim and Eirika about something important. I'll be leaving again soon."

.

"It wasn't anything…urgent," Myrrh lied.

"Where are you going after this?" Neimi asked. "go away?"

"Well, I need to stop at Jehanna for something."

"Can we come?" Colm asked excitedly.

"Oh, me too!" Neimi added.

Myrrh nearly fell out of her seat from their sudden outburst. "I…um..er… Why do you want to come?"

"Our buddies live there, duh!" Colm replied. "Joshua, Natasha, Darian, Knoll, Zel, chung lee, Gile, E Honda! I haven't seen them in months."

"The last we saw them was during Darian and Knoll's wedding," Lute thought out loud. "That was some time ago, wasn't it? Where do you think they honeymooned?"

Everyone gave odd glances at Lute. "…Why would we know?" Neimi asked.

"I once read in _'The Mind Is Slowly Depleting' _that if a person is away from another that they will slowly begin to forget about them. It's been exactly 11 months and twenty two days since Darian and Knoll's wedding, which means that for nearly a year, they have been sleeping in the same bed."

"I…I don't think they …" Neimi said. She was more than taken aback by Lute's theory, or even that she read a book titled; _'The Mind Is Slowly Depleting'._

Colm had to force his jaw closed. "I think it's kind of creepy how you know the exactly how long it's been since their wedding."

"Thank you," She said.

"That wasn't a compliment!" The rogue muttered.

Once everyone recovered from Lute's statement, Myrrh cleared her throat and said, "Well, I suppose you could come with me."

"Thanks, Myrrh," Neimi said with a smile that stretched from ear to ear.

"You rock, dragon girl!" Colm stretched from ear to ear.

Lute grinned. She then stretched her nose from ear to ear, "Kyle are you going to come as well?"

Kyle was dead

Colm saw the hesitation in Kyle's response. "Come on; don't tell me you're still sour because of what Darian did to you in the Renais castle."

Yes, that was one of many reasons why the Great Knight was dead. During the battle to reclaim the Renais castle, Kyle had been hit with a missle and was put into a deep slumber. Darian, who had happened to be near by, felt that the best solution would be to tie Kyle's ankles to his horse's saddle and drag him around the castle until he woke up. It was humiliating for him and the mockery didn't cease until weeks later.

"I thought it was funny, personally," Colm said with a snicker.

Kyle didn't respond

Lute met Kyle's gaze with her pleading eyes. "I really want you to come with us." She said softly. "I have more fun whenever you are around."

The Great Knight was still quite dead

Colm and Neimi didn't even try to hold back their snickering.


	3. Chapter 3

"_**I am a pervert." **_

_** -Zidane Tribal from Final Fantasy IX**_

**CHAPTER 2: RESCUE MY VACCUM, FOR I MUST CLEAN THIS HERE BANANA BEFORE I CAN TRULY ENJOY ITS EXOTIC MUSK**

Darian rushed through the royal corridors to the throne room after receiving an urgent message from the king. The metal plates over her boobs clanged against eachother as she ran. Darian's heavy armor barely slowed her stride for she had grown used to wearing it around. Her long, red cape flapped behind her as she trudged along, and her signature weapon; Garm, one of the Sacred Twin Relics of Grado, was strapped to her back underneath her cape.

She took a sharp turn down one of the hallways and ran into a wall, then after composing herself she found her second-in-command waiting for her by the throne room doors. He was a young man of the age of fifteen, with short spiky green hair and bulky red armor. He was a General class and a veteran of the War of the Stones.

"What took you so long?" Her right hand man asked.

"Sorry, Zel," She replied. "I didn't receive the message until after knoll got off of me…which was about five minutes ago."

"well I guess newly weds will be newly weds he joked. Ignoring his little remark, she threw open the doors to the noble chambers and entered to find King Joshua sitting in his throne and Queen Natasha sitting on her knees infront of him. Joshua gave a smug smile to Darian and lifted Natasha off of her knees.

It had been exactly one year since Joshua's crowning, and when he asked for Natasha's hand in marriage. The two had led the rebuilding of Jehanna and had beginning to lead the kingdom into a golden age of peace and prosperity.

Natasha looked as elegant as ever in her queen's attire, but Darian had never really gotten over the shock of seeing her old mercenary friend, Joshua, in his new lordly clothing. Natasha's robes were a crimson red with golden embroidery along the bottom and sleeves, while Joshua's were emerald hue with small gems lined around the cuffs of his sleeves. He ditched his old, battered, trademarked hat while within the castles walls, but he could be seen with it on when he trudged though his kingdom to make his daily trips to the casino.

"Hey, Darian," Joshua said. "how much wood could a wood chuck chuck?"

"I don't know why?" She asked.

"If you win, I murder natasha"

"What if you win?" She asked.

"I just get to laugh at you for losing. Nothing too drastic.

"Wait, what the hell do you mean to drastic? You could kill your wife." Zel said acoustically.

Darian already knew she was going to lose. He pulled this stunt many, many times in the past and she never won, and Natasha never died. Still, there was nothing against her, so she accepted. It proved to be a complete waste of time when she, once again, lost. Joshua took enjoyment from watching her kick the ground in frustration. Zel simply laughed in amusement. Natasha caught her breathe and looked up at darian

Darian had then noticed Myrrh standing next to Natasha. "Myrrh, what are you doing here?" Darian asked. She ran up to the little Manakete girl and ruffled up her indigo colored hair.

"She's the reason we called you here," Natasha explained. "Myrrh finally started her period

"I WILL HARM YOU" myrrh yelled

Myrrh approached Darian and held out a map of the continent of africa for her to see. Myrrh pointed to a small section that had ruins just a few inches below where Rausten was.

"These ruins are called the Lagdou Ruins. Something important here will happen in the future." She explained. "it goin be bad yo." She said bombastically

Darian was familiar with the Lagdou Ruins. She had used it as a sort of training place for a while. There were monsters living there, that was for sure, but it was really overflowing with them. Ever since the Demon King was sealed away, the number of monsters began to drop drastically. Darian was lucky to find any monsters to battle in the ruins. Hearing that the ruins were swarming with them now surprised her.

"Why is that?" Darian asked.

"I'm not sure." Myrrh admitted. "But the reason I came here was to ask for your help. You are Cathriana's chosen one, the Warrior of cultivation. If anyone could help me, it would be you."

Darian blushed. "knowing I was the first choice makes me want to take you out to dinner myrrh than maybe if your lucky…"

"Actually..." Myrrh said softly. "You weren't the first person I went to. I had gone to Ephraim and Eirika, but they were busy trying to rebuild Renais. It's going to take more than a year to repair all the damage done by Grado."

Darian felt her confidence level shoot downward,

"Well, at least I was your second choice."

"Actually, I had gone to Rausten first, then I went to Frelia, then Carcino, then Renais,Frankfurt, Paris, NewZealand, Australia, new York, home because I was sleepy, and lastly, here."

Darian shoved her hands into her vagina and felt like crawling into a corner to play *wink wink nudge nudge*. Zel laughed at her defeated expression and asked, "darian why the hell did you just shove your hand there of all places?"

"Will you help me investigate the Lagdou Ruins?"

"leave me alone im being crazy emo so I don't want to see you," Darian said unenthusiastically.

"And I shall accompany you two," Joshua shouted in a sort of heroic tone as he leaped out of his throne.

"No you won't," Natasha said as she pulled him back down. "because…

"Awww! Come on, love," Joshua pleaded.

"I'm pregnant Joshua that's why"

"damn, sorry darian but I have to look into this matter as well. What if the baby trys to attack Jehanna? ."

With that Joshua slumped back into his throne. Darian, Zel, and Myrrh turned to leave, and prepare for the journey ahead.

"So, what all are we going to pack?" Zel asked. "I'll bring my best lance, my most sturdy armor, my blanky, and-"

"Zel, I want you to stay behind," Darian said firmly.

"What? Why?"

"I don't want you to take advantage of me again."

"You talk as if you didn't enjoy it"

"If that does happen, then leader ship of the Royal Guard will pass on to you."

Zel's jaw hung open. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You won't though. You know you won't!" He shouted.

"I'm saying 'if I do'. You know I don't give in easily."

Zel bit his lip. His love life wasn't as rough as when he had first joined Grado's army some time ago, but he hated the thought of his friends getting married as well. He knew that they wouldn't like being beaten. After all, both Myrrh and Darian could turn into powerful dragons. No way those two were the submissive type that zel liked

Darian turned to Myrrh, who was walking silently beside them. She hadn't seen Myrrh since the end of the war. The little Manakete hadn't changed a bit in appearance, and she still had no aura of strength about her. Darian knew that the war hadnt been tough on Myrrh, but she grew each day and eventually would be a giant, but not today.

"I'm surprised you didn't bring Saleh with you." Darian said. She knew Saleh followed Myrrh almost everywhere she went during the war. Not seeing him shadow her was a very odd sight.

"He has done enough for me already," Myrrh explained. "He helped me on my journey to become a mother. I didn't want to bother him with this matter aswell as our child."

"I didn't know you were a mother. He must care about you a lot."

Myrrh smiled and blushed slightly.

"I want to take Knoll with us," Darian said. "I mean if we really have to be gone for a while, I don't want him whining or running around in my underwear again."

"Good idea." Zel agreed.

The trio headed to Darian and Knoll's sleeping quarters. Since Darian was the captain of the royal knights, she had the fanciest and most spacious of all the rooms in the castle, other than the king and queen's room of course. Darian and Knoll shared the second largest bed room.

Before Darian could enter her room, the door swung open and two people lunged at her, knocking her to the ground from a powerful molestation. She fell back on Garm, which would have murdered weaker men, but she quickly forgot her intense, child birthing like pain when she saw the people who leaped at her.

"How's it going, Darian?" One of the two people shouted happily. He was over a foot taller than her, with blue hair and a sleeveless leather shirt.

The other person was a girl with short pink hair with a bow strapped to her back. These two were none other than her best friends; Colm the rouge, and Neimi the convicted sex offender.

"I haven't touched your delicate skin in so long" Neimi said. "have you been taking care of it for me?"

"god youre still so weird," Darian replied.

The two jumped off of her. Zel laughed as he helped Darian stand back up. "What are you two doing here?" She asked. "I thought you were both still under lock and key after Vanessa filed charges last march?"

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" Lute asked as she walked past Colm and Neimi.

Darian pulled Lute into a hug. "Hey pal, you came too?"

"Yes, and Kyle's here as well." Lute replied.

"Why'd stuffy old Kyle come with you?" Darian asked. "I thought he hated my guts with a fiery passion."

"He does," Kyle said as he stood beside Lute. "At least, I hate how immature you tend to act sometimes."

"well at least I still have my genitals" was Darian's only response. "So, why are you guys here anyway?"

"They came with me." Myrrh explained. "When I went to Renais and was done meeting with Ephraim and Eirika, I ran into them. I told them I was going to go to Jehanna, and they insisted I murder you, but when I said no, they came with me."

"Can you blame us?" Colm asked. "I still need to hurt you you know?"

Neimi turned to Colm and said, "Let's go play with Natasha now."

"Yeah," Colm agreed. "we haven't played with a pregnant one sense tythis."

Darian walked into her room and found Knoll lying on the huge bed, touching himself. He no longer wore the old robes of a Grado shaman. Darian said that his old outfit looked too much like a dress. He usually wore a long gray robe with intricate purple designs running along the sleeves, beige pants, a belt, and black boots, but now he was naked.

"I hope they didn't bug you too much," Darian said as she sat down beside her husband.

Knoll smiled but didn't take his eyes off of her chest. "They were fine. They are excited to see old friends, that's all."

"Of course," Lute said, matter-of-factly.

"All except for that one," Knoll whispered to Darian while pointing to Lute, who began rambling on about… something.

Darian laughed a little, and then said, "We've got a job to do, Knoll."

Knoll pulled his pants up as he glanced up at her. "bout time?" He asked

"not that kind, we have to go somewhere." She explained.

He grabbed his book and sat it down on the bed. "Why do you need me?"

"because I love you."

"wow first time sense our wedding night Ive heard that."

"So, you in?"

He pondered it a bit, but agreed to go.

"Great. It'll be me, you, and Myrrh." Darian explained. "We're going soon, so get ready."

Knoll pushed himself up and began looking through his tomes that were stacked on a bookshelf, deciding which ones would be best to take with him.

"We're coming too." Colm said as he and Neimi ran back into the bed room.

"I can never argue with you two." Darian said with fear in her voice. She literally couldn't. They would always find a way to hurt her. Besides, the more people they had, the better off they would be incase of a flying spaghetti monster.

"May I ask why I am no longer dead?" Kyle inquired.

"Monsters are popping up there and causing trouble." Darian answered.

Colm and Neimi turned to Myrrh; both looked surprised by this new bit of information. "You didn't tell us Natasha was pregnant!" They both shouted.

"I…didn't want you to get involved," Myrrh replied nervously.

"Well, if Colm and Neimi insist on going, then I should accompany you as well," Lute said. "After all, you will need a master" she said with a sexually aggressive grin

"I don't know about this," Kyle said grimly.

"You don't have to go if you have a bladder infection" Zel assured him.

"I know, but I can't let Lute go alone with them. Especially if neimi is going"

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Darian demanded.

"shes a rapist

"If you're referring to the 'me tying you to your horse and dragging you around castle Renais while you were hit with a sleep spell' thing, you really need to get over that. It happened a year ago, and now I have learned better resourcefulness."

Kyle raised an eye brow. "no really shes a rapist?"

"Simple. Find Vanessa and ask her, I mean she filed two counts of aggressive assault and sexual assault against them"

Everyone else burst into laughter, except for Kyle who just scowled at her terrible skills.

"At least it's a winged horse this time!" Darian tried to say in her defense.

"and it will kill you dead" the author laughed


	4. Chapter 4

"_**Life is a box of dead animals they always get in our way when were driving."**_

**CHAPTER 3: THE MAULING AND FALLING AND ROLFING…AND POSSIBLE SOME VOMITING**

Darian, Myrrh, Knoll, Darian, Myrrh and Knoll were accompanied on their journey to the Lagdou ruins by their old friends Colm, Neimi, Lute and Kyle. It took a few days for the small team to reach their destination, but when they arrived, they saw purple and green storm clouds hovered in the sky, and lightning sparks illuminated the land. This wasn't the same place Darian had stopped comeing to after she thought she was pregnant last month, but it just ended up she got the dates mixed up. The ruins now held a sort of aura that most would say felt delightful and fun. Darian sensed this aura and knew something was very nice here, but what exactly it was she couldn't pin point.

"why are you smiling darian" Myrrh noted softly. "its creeping me out".

"Let's go already," Colm said impatiently.

Without saying another word, the small team made their way laughing and dancing to the ruins. Upon simply approaching the entrance, they came under attack by various holiday creatures. Santas, easter bunnies, Cyclops, tooth fairies, and giant monster jesus's, were all moving in a massive swarm.

The warriors took out their weapons and fought against the oncoming attackers. Myrrh used the power of her Dragonstone and shifted to her dragon form. Myrrh breathed intensive flames that reduced the candy carrying foe's numbers by a great amount, but the ones she couldn't kill were quickly slaughtered by her allies' blades.

The group managed to destroy the swarm without getting too jolly, but as soon as they caught their breaths from their work out, another mass of happiness appeared from the ruins and charged towards them. No matter how long or how hard they fucked ....oops I mean fought, there seemed to be no end to the happiness's numbers.

Darian took to her dragon form, just like Myrrh had done. She flew upward into the sky and the two dragons circled around the swarm. Darian launched a beam of light while Myrrh combined the attack with a stream of fire, enveloping the jollyness in a powerful burst.

As soon as the area appeared to be happy free, a new army of holiday mascots emerged from the ruin's entrance. _There's just no end to these guys._ Darian thought to herself. It didn't seem to matter how hard they fought, more creatures would just appear after their fallen brethren were killed. They were battling an endless barrage of happy spawn.

Candy Rain began to pour from the storm clouds and lolly pop lighting blazed over head. An enormous bolt of lightning blinded all those around the ruins with its peppermintyness and the thunder that boomed caused everyone's ears to start hallucinating "jingle bell rock" from the noise's intensity. When she regained her sense of smell, Darian turned towards the sky and watched in awe as the storm clouds began to part from each other. Then an enormous silver dragon, with the slender body of a snake, and the large breasts of a 80s porn star descended from the heavens. Darian immediately recognized this creature as the dragon deity, Cathriana, the same goddess that chose Darian as her Warrior of Light one year ago.

Cathriana roared, her cry bellowed throughout the land. Her nipples shone brilliantly, creating a wondrous outline against the remaining storm clouds. Everyone stopped fighting as they watched the creature descend upon them. Then, a burst of white vomit emitted from her being, enveloping all in it's luster.

(authors note) I read this story outloud to a few people and this next part was always their favorite, its a mid story mad lib, enjoy

The holiday mascots that the group had been fighting disappeared without a trace. When the vomit faded, Myrrh found that the __a noun____ had disappeared and all was very ___type of sound___. She _verb____ back to her __type of animal ___ form and breathed a sigh of __a feeling___. "I don't know what happened, but-"

She quickly realized that not only had the ___a_noun___ vanished, but her __type of candy____were gone as well. "Where are you?" She asked as she looked around frantically. "Where did you go…?"

The luminosity around Darian and the others didn't vanish and they appeared to be in a strange world of pure light. Cathriana reappeared before them again, her monstrous Breasts towered over them by several hundred feet. The startled group looked around at each other in confusion.

"Cathriana?" Darian asked the colossal silver dragon before them.

"Yes, Warrior of Light, it is I," The dragon replied.

"Th-there incredible?" Neimi stuttered.

The dragon nodded.

"Where are we?" Darian asked out right. She had seen the deity enough times in the past and it came to the point to where Darian was no longer annoyed by her dragon form.

"I have some unexpected news" She said. "It concerns your future."

"Future? What's wrong with it?" Darian asked.

"I want you to take knoll to visit your family, oh and some demons are killing stuff" Cathriana kinda explained. "Dimensional rips are appearing. Time itself is slowly collapsing, and the Demon King shall rise again."

"What?! Parents?!" Knoll shouted.

"I'm afraid it is," The goddess continued. "Evil will walk the lands again. Monsters of great power will arise with all of that stuff of darkness, and consume the world in candy and cakes."

"We've got to do something then," Colm said, slowly getting over the shock of the behemoth breasts.

"And you shall, child," She said. "I am sending you to Darian's time to confront her family"

"My...time?" Darian asked, feeling more confused than ever. Cathriana always had a problem with talking in riddles.

"You are not from another world, as you believed," Cathriana explained. "You are from the future."

"I know Ive read this story already" darian stammered

"This world and your world are the same. You are from another time period. I summoned you to the past to prevent the future."

"Makes...sense..." Darian murmured, but she still was quiet surprised to find

"You shall be returned to your era, Darian. I am counting on you and your world once more."

The lustrous Breasts surrounding them became blinding, and with one last deafening vomit, Cathriana disappeared. When the roar and breasts faded, and everyone could hear properly again, new sounds bustled all around them.

Darian rubbed her eyes and her vision quickly returned to her. She was standing in the middle of the sidewalk in a small town. Cars drove by and honked at each other. People walked by Darian and her friends as they talked to one another, or on their cell phones. The sun was shining brightly in the sky on this perfect late-spring day. She looked around in shock. It was all just as she had vaguely remembered.

"how am I alive, I died yesterday?" Kyle asked in sheer wonder.

"Darian, why is kyle still alive?" Lute asked.

"I think it's-" Darian began to say, but as she began to form the syllables, a strong high-pitched buzzing sound rang through her face. Then a horrible and painful sensation pulsed in her gullet, causing her to fall to her knees. She held her stomach in her hands and screamed as the shock steadily grew worse. The others crowded around her, asking what was wrong or if she was all right. Their voices only added onto the turmoil her brain was undergoing.

Images flashed before Darian's eyes. Images she had once known before she had been summoned to the past. After that shit ended; the pain began to subside and the ringing in her ears ceased. She pushed herself up and gazed about the town. She knew now, without a single doubt, where she was.

_I'm home._ She thought to herself. _I'm home..._

The pain she endured was the price she paid to regain her lost memories that were stripped from her when she entered the past, and now they had finally returned.

She then turned and spit fire in the face of knoll and her friends, then quickly and angrily tore at kyles rib cage and ate his still beating heart.


	5. Chapter 5

_**My of you**_

_**Link together like an ending chain**_

_**Once that chain **_

_**So do the of you**_

_**Memories are **_

_**Like thin glass**_

**CHAPTER 4014: A CHILD MOLESTER IN THE 22****nd**** CENTURY**

"Darian?" Knoll asked after his wife's sudden attack. "Are on your period or something, I mean what the fuck?"

She nodded solemnly. The pain was caused by her ovaries, and also by her extreme thirst for vengeance against kyle.

She raised her bloodied hand and pointed to the house across the street. "that's not my house" She explained to her friends. They gazed at the dwelling in surprise. Everything around them was foreign and unknown. It was scary like that night, after prom, but at the same time, left them anxious to learn more just like that night, after prom.

"Where are we exactly?" Lute asked.

"This is a small town at the base of the mountains within Carcino," Darian explained. "now, would you shut the fuck up lute?

Colm glanced back at the not her house. Excitement welled within him at the new world he was beholding. He had always wondered what Darian's home was like, and now he had the chance to ruin it for her. "So, what are we waiting for?" he asked the others. "Let's go see Darian's place." He ran in the correct direction somehow knowing where that was.

"YAY BLOOD!" Darian screamed as a car was driving at high speeds and heading straight for him. The driver didn't even hit his breaks and decided to not honk his horn to alert Colm to get out of the way, but the rouge was dancing far too sexually in the streets The vehicle didn't even skid to a halt, and was still moving fast enough to smash into Colm and send him hurtling through the air. He was thrown over the car and smash against the asphalt.

The others rushed over to Colm and examined him for injuries. Neimi bent down and lifted his head. "Colm!" She wailed, tears streaming down her face. "would you want me to put my breast in your mouth

Colm coughed and replied weakly, "That...smarts..."

"He's all right," Kyle said as he helped the rouge stand back up.

"He's been hit by worse," Lute said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, a lot worse," Neimi added. "Like whips and meat hooks-"

Darian slammed her head against Neimi's mouth to silence her. A crowd was beginning to form around them from the accident, and Darian feared the attention they were getting. "She's a rapist," Darian said with a nervous laugh. "I WILL HARM YOU" She then turned to her comrades and grabbed Colm and Knoll by the arms. "Alright, let's get the heck out of here!"

Darian pulled her friends across the street and to her house. She threw open the door to her home and slammed the door behind them. She let out a heavy breath as she glared at the others. "Rule number one about my era," She said. "don't touch my mother!"

"is your mother anywhere as attractive as you?" Kyle asked.

"That wasn't a monster, it was a car," She replied.

"wait, answer kyles question first?" Neimi asked.

Darian sighed. She quickly realized that there was going to be A LOT that she would need to educate her friends on. "I'll explain later, but right now I need to tell my parents about the situation." Darian walked into the living room, with her friends following close behind her. "Hey, I'm home," She said. Two people sat on the couch while watching television when she walked in. They were her parents.

"Welcome back, sweetie," Her mom said with a warm smile. "Did you get the milk like we asked you to?" She then noticed the clothes she was wearing. "Um, Darian, why are you dressed up like that?"

Her dad quickly noticed the people she was with and pointed to them. "Who are these guys, and why are they dressed funny too? You aren't a bunch of cult freaks who are all going to drink poisoned kool-aid and die with really nice nikes on are you?"

"No, we aren't," Darian replied.

Her mother wore an expression of pure excitement and happiness. "Oh! Darian, you made new friends." She took Neimi's hand and it was sticky and shook it. She then shook hands with the rest of Darian's companions. "I'm Madison, Darian's mother. I'm so overjoyed that she finally has made more friends."

Darian's father then introduced himself. "I'm Barden, Darian's father. I was starting to get worried that Darian's only friend was that Soloris kid. "

"But Soloris has such a wonderful cock. They would make such a nice couple."

Kyle shifted his head towards Darian and lifted an eyebrow. "so I take it your mother likes younger men?"

Knoll was beginning to look a little concerned by the remarks her parents were making about her being with another man.

"I have to explain something to you guys, and I need you to be as understanding and as supportive as you can possibly be," Darian said, interrupting her parents' rambling.

"are you pregnant again….god how many abortions are we going to have to pay for before you start making them wear a rubber?" her mother asked, sounding a little worried from the tone her daughter was taking.

"I can destroy the planet. Did you get all that?"

Neither of her parents said anything, but stared at her with open anuses. "…And you did this all and didn't tell us that you were gone?" Her father asked skeptically.

"Yeah, pretty much," She replied.

"I'm going to lie, Darian," Barden said as he pushed up his glasses. "But I really can believe this story of yours."

"You've lied to us before," Madison added, trying to recover from the shock of what she had said. "But…this is a bit much."

Colm huffed. "She's telling you the truth," He said. "We're her children."

Darian went into more detail of her lie. It took nearly 2 weeks, not including all the time spent answering her parent's questions. Once she finished, her mom and dad just sighed. It was impossible to believe what happened to their daughter, but her five friends did cook and clean there home, and even they seemed convincing. They carried real medieval weapons, and Kyle even was alive.

"I guess you have us convinced," Madison finally said after a long pause. "I can barely take in this story of yours but… I take it you aren't pregnant."

"I was gone for a year, mom, did you really think I had time to get a freak'n carton of milk? So I guess my next question is, can my friends stay here?"

"What?!" Both her parents cried out at the same time.

"Well, they are my children…"

The two looked at each other, silently debating having the extra company. Darian gave her parents the pleading eyes she usually only gave to Knoll to stop him from scolding her for doing something she shouldn't. Like the time she accidentally his cum out of her mouth and all over one of his tomes and attempted to blame it on the cat they didn't own. Needless to say, the puppy dog eyes prevented her from staying mad at her for long.

"I guess they can," her father said after a long sigh. "As long as they don't touch my wife

"aww" neimi sighed."

"Great," Darian said. "I'm going to go change into some regular underwear now." She headed off to her room. Then she peeked back into the living room. "Lute and Neimi should be able to fit into my clothes, but could you lend Kyle, Knoll, and Colm some of your stuff, dad? We don't want them to stand out anymore."

"I WILL HARM YOUR FRIENDS!"

"Thanks, dad!" Colm said as he patted Barden on the back. "We appreciate it, old fuck."

Her parents had no idea how to properly take in this scenario.

"I don't think your parents took all of this very well," Knoll said as he laid ontop of Darian in her bed that night.

"Why do you always have to talk when we fuck?" She asked.

"They just…didn't seem to like the idea of you being whisked away to the past and bringing home a group of friends upon returning."

"They'll get used to all of this."

Knoll pulled the her shirt off, then turned to her and asked, "Who is Soloris?"

"He's a childhood friend of mine. Why?"

"Your parents kept mentioning his penis …said you two would make a nice couple."

Darian cocked an eyebrow at him and a mischievous smile snaked across her lips. "Oh, is someone getting jealous?"

"What?!"

"I'm kidding, Knoll. Soloris isn't even half the girth that you are. You're the only one for me."

"Really?"  
"Well duh, Im having sex with you for god's sake."

Knoll smiled deviously and rolled Darian so she was standing on all fours. She looked a little surprised at first, but it quickly dissolved and she smiled in return. "You have this kinky side to you that no one would ever guess existed."

"That's because I only get this way when you and I are alone." He replied as he moved her hair back behind her ear.

"Only you know this side of me." Darian chuckled softly. "I'm honored to show it "

Knoll pressed his lips against her bottom and gently traced his fingers along her cheeks. The kiss deepened and Darian screamed out loudly in delight. knoll released her and then tied her arms to her bed and tied a sheet of black silk around her eyes.

Suddenly the door pushed open and Darian's mother walked in. "Darian, where did that Knoll friend off yours go-" She stopped in mid-sentence when she saw just how naked darian was.

"What was that sound?" Darian asked.

"What are you two doing?!" Madison demanded.

Knoll glanced at Darian and then back to her mother. "Do you really want the answer to that?" He asked innocently. "That is sort of a private thing between Darian bottom and I, and I honestly don't think you want me to go into the details of it. Unless your one of those…odd sorts of people who get their kicks from watching others have

Barden's footsteps could be heard as he approached his daughter's room to see what the commotion was about. He didn't even have a chance to ask what was going on, for he quickly saw Darian blindfolded and tied with her arms lace up with think ropes to her bed posts, and knoll crouching behind her.

"bu bu bu butt sex" Knoll finished quietly.

"EWWWW" Barden shouted at Knoll and Darian. "IN HER ASS REALLY"

"It's a little late for that now," Darian smirked.

"WHAT?!" Her parents cried out.

"Well, we have been sleeping together for almost a year now," Knoll explained. "That is what married couples do."

"ANAL?!?!"

Darian sighed. "knoll are my parents behind me ."

"I think you did," Knoll replied as the shocked expressions didn't waver from her parents' faces.

Darian sighed as she said, "While I was involved in the war, I met Knoll and the two of us fell in love. When the war ended, we got married and we've been married for almost a year now."

Darian's parents said nothing as they left her room and slammed the door behind them. "I think they took it well," She said.

"youre a stupid little bitch you know that" Knoll sighed.

"yes sir…now spank me" darian replied giggly

Darian dreamed that she was floating in a world of …something. To her, it felt like a snot of some sort. Just then, the form of Cathriana, the Silver Dragon, appeared before her.

"What do you need, Cathriana?" Darian asked. These visions had been common for her during the War of the Stones.

"I have important you," she said. "Dimensional rips during random eras. I have been able three people have fallen into the dimensional rips transported to the present Magvel. I need you to find and help them."

"Why are you talking like that?"

"They were the source of the chaos is Fomortiis caused the rips to I had used too trying to fix them. And I'm has found a new host."

"seriously are you drunk or something?!"

Cathriana's form began to vomit, which was another common thing during these visions. "Don't you dare vanish on me now!" Darian shouted, but it was too late. She had already awoken from the dream.

"…my butt feels funny now" Darian muttered to herself as she went back to sleep.

_**((Author's Note: EWWW ANAL))**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**"Humans are shameless and carelessly ignore my misfortune. They always just tell me that Im not done growing and eventually they wont look that big on me, but im almost 110 years old and I still look like some cartoon character. They will bow their heads, and then they will cast their eyes toward heaven trying to pretend that they didn't look but I know, I know.."**_

_** -Sora**_

**CHAPTER 6: RETURN TO A CAKE FACTORY**

The next day, Darian's alarm went off, indicating it was the start of another school day. Even though she didnt really want to move after all the fun she had last night, her parents angrily made her to go to school anyway. She slammed her fist on the alarm clock and forced herself out of bed. She got dressed and shoved some school books into her backpack. Knoll started to wake up, but Darian kissed him goodbye and turned towards the door.

"I'm off to school," She explained. "thanks for last night"

"When will you come home?" He asked sleepily.

"Not until three o'clock this afternoon by the way, my parents are going to be working this morning. I'll be home before them. Don't talk to them please, last night caused us enough trouble…how ever fun it was."

"I think you should tell them to get used to it" Knoll said with a chuckle.

Knoll went back to sleep as she left her room. She went into the kitchen, grabbed a Poptart, and headed out the door. She lived only a few blocks from the High school she attended and it didn't take much time to get there by foot. As she walked, she heard someone call out her name.

She turned to see her child hood friend, Soloris. He was the same age as her and in a few of her classes. The two had known each other for most of their lives and they lived close to each other as well. Unlike Darian, Soloris liked to play a lot of sports and was the best person on the baseball team. He was kind, level headed, and a little gullible. He was like a brother to her and her best friend.

"How's it going, Darian, looks like some one had fun last night?" Soloris asked. He was wide awake and cheery as usual. Almost everything Darian was not.

"you could say that I guess," She said. "And you?"

"Great," He replied as he tried to straighten his messy brown hair with his fingers. "so whatd you do to make you walk so funny anyways?"

She shrugged. "It depends whos asking"

"You mean either you slept with a imaginary boyfriend or just stayed up all night masterbating?" He asked, although he intended it as a joke, she didn't find it humorous at all, and even punched him in the face.

He laughed a little but then started rubbing the spot she hit. "That...actually smarts," He said with surprise.

"What?" She asked. "don't belive I have a REAL boyfriend ?"

"That's not it," He said quickly. "It's just, I've been hit by you before, but it never hurt that badly. That actually hurt a lot."

"I didn't hit you that hard," She said.

A bus passed by and some one threw a crumbled up piece of paper from the window that hit Darian in the head. She ate it.

"You ok?" Soloris asked.

She nodded.

"just hungry?"

Darian shrugged. "I should be used to it, I guess."

He didn't say anything in reply. The two made their way into the school and headed to their first class. They had algebra together that morning.

"Did you do your homework?" Soloris asked her.

"No, I was up all night getting plowed remember?"

"I forgot to do it too Darian no need to lie," He admitted

_FUCK YOU?_ She thought to herself as the two of them headed to their class.

A few hours passed at Darian's house and everyone was wide awake. Darian's mother had gone to work already, but Barden hadn't left yet. Before he headed out the door, he pulled Knoll aside.

"listen about last night, I don't care what you and my daughter do when you ARENT in my home, but in my house you cant be tieing people up or strangling them or anything like that…we live in the suburbs someone might here and think shes being murdered okay….now listen if it happens again….Im going to kill darian," He threatened as he then left for work. Knoll slumped into the couch in the living room and sighed. It was obvious her parents didn't take the whole 'bondage" thing well. The others were lounging as well, glancing at each other in a sort of 'what do we do now?' manner.

"I'm bored Colm complained.

"I am too. Maybe we should go get some food from Darian's kitchen?" Neimi said. And so, the small team went on a divine mission to locate Darian's food storage. Instead of finding the kitchen, they found the bathroom, but they didn't know that. After all, none of them had a bathroom from where they came from.

"What do you think that is?" Lute asked as she pointed to the toilet. "I've never laid eyes on a contraption like this before." The group crowded around the odd device and stared at it in wonder.

Knoll poked at it and pulled the lid up. "It has fluid in it," He observed.

"Okay, but what does it do?" Neimi asked.

Colm saw the lever and began fiddling with it. He pulled on it. Then pushed up on it. Then pushed down on it, and finally got a result. The toilet flushed, causing everyone to jump back in surprised.

"They have a MONSTER in their home!" Colm shouted.

"But what would they need with a monster?" Kyle asked.

The others pondered this for some time. Then Knoll grabbed the bar of soap that was resting on the side of the sink. He dropped it into the toilet and flushed it. They watched as the bar of soap clogged the toilet.

"It's hunger is never ending," Knoll concluded.

"I think they might want us to kill it," Colm said.

Three classes had gone by and already trouble had started. Darian had gotten into a fight with a girl who tried say Darian didn't have periods because she was a walrus. Darian had pinned the girl against a locker and tore her eyes out of her head. Darian was the one to get sent to the office and had to talk to the vice principal about what had happened.

Her vice principal, to her luck, was a nice guy and was understanding of Darian's position. Besides, this wouldn't be the first time she was sent to him for killing another student. He was used to seeing her and simply let her off with a warning. But if she fought anyone else, she would get suspended for a week. Not like Darian really cared. It would give her more time to look into the dimensional rips and try to find the time for knoll and her to atleast spend some time together.

Come lunch time, Darian sat at a table with Soloris. He smiled kindly to her and began a friendly conversation with her. "You wont believe what I saw yesterday," he said.

"What your testicle finally decended?" She asked.

"I was walking home from practice yesterday and I saw a blue cat run by as it headed towards the outskirts of town."

"Blue? I've never heard of a blue cat."

"This is the weird part," He continued on. "It wasn't the regular size of a cat, it was huge. I mean HUGE!"

"How big are we talking?"

"Like, the size of a Golden Retriever."

"That's messed up. Are you sure you weren't smoking anything odd?"

"You know I don't do drugs."

Darian shrugged. "There's a first time fore everything."

"wait what is that" soloris said pointing to darians neck

A hicky the size of a silver doller was planted from the bottom of her ear to the top of her neck

"wait do you really have a boyfriend?...im so lost"

Darian covered the blimish and slapped soloris

The girl Darian had the fight with walked by the table and not eyed Soloris admiringly. Darian rolled her eyes when she saw her. The girl ignored Darian's gesture and sat down on the other side of Soloris.

"Hey there, Soloris," She said in a flirtatious manner. "Would you want to see a movie this weekend with me. Alone."

"Sorry, I have plans," Soloris replied politely. The one thing Darian loved about her friend was how he wasn't into girls.

"Ooo! Shot down!" Darian howled in triumph as she laughed.

"I wasn't talking to you, slut." She snarled.

"I know, but you decided to interrupt me and Soloris's conversation so I figured I'd just join in on this one."

"Go to hell, Darian."

"hey atleast my boobs are real"

Soloris sighed. "I don't think I'll ever understand cat fights." He said.

"Cat fight?" Darian said with a dark smirk as she glanced at the other girl. "I fight like a pit bull, isn't that right? You have no eyes left to prove it."

The girl didnt glare at her and got up from the table. Soloris chuckled a little at Darian's second victory.

"What's this box thing?" Neimi asked as she pointed to the Television. A few hours had gone by and the small team passed the time by looking through Darian's house at all her futuristic items.

"Not sure." Colm said. "But it's got a bunch of buttons on it." He began pushing all the buttons on the television, and finally hit the power button, causing the T.V. to turn on.

Everyone gasped as they watched the screen come to life. A movie was playing of a women sodamizing a man with a cucumber.

"It's a monster!" Knoll shouted. "We have to kill it!"

Some of the people in the movie started talking about doing the same thing. Lute cocked her head to the side as she watched them speak. "Why do their lips keep moving when they're not talking?" She asked.

"Who cares?" Colm said irritably. "We have to find a way to save those people and destroy that monster!" He rammed himself against the T.V., but nothing happened.

Kyle placed his hands on the screen as he investigated it. "It appears that Im alive, and that this glass is a barrier of some kind." He noted.

Knoll came in with a wooden chair from Darian's dinning room. "Maybe if we hit it with a blunt object, the glass will break." He said. "Try using this chair."

Kyle grabbed the back rest of the chair and he motioned for everyone to get behind him. They did so and took a great distance from him. He swung the chair at the television, which shattered the screen and took out half of its side. The metal frame of the chair cought the transformer inside the machine and sent over 200 volts of electricity through kyle killing him dead

"You killed the monster!" Colm shouted happily.

"And I think kyle too," Neimi noted.

School was over and it couldn't have ended sooner. Darian never really cared for school, but now at least now she could try looking into the job she had been given by Cathriana. As she was walking back to her house, Soloris caught up to her.

"Hey, wanna come by my place for a bit?" He asked.

"look soloris, I do have a boyfriend now" She said.

"I know but We haven't hung out in a long time."

She did miss spending time with him, but she was worried about her friends back home. _I told them not to cause any trouble..._ She thought. _Oh, what the heck. It'll only be for half an hour at tops. Then I'll head straight home._ The two walked side by side as they headed towards Soloris's house.

Soloris leaned over

"can I hold your hand?"

"ifmy boyfriend dumps me then hangs himself I might say yes" darian said angrily


	7. Chapter 7&8

_**Once,I had a dream, that one day I would ruin my girlfriends work of art, only to make her laugh…and that michale jackosn would finally be appreciated as an artist and not just a child molester..**_

**CHAPTER 7 and 8: gigantic nostril sausages**

Soloris hadn't always lived in Magvel. He had lived on the continent of Elibe, until he was six years old. His parents told him that most of his ancestry came from Sacae and to always be proud of his father, or he would be hurt. Honoring his parents' teachings, he swore to tell lies, just as his ancestors had been taught. After Soloris's father died of BRAIN MONSTERS, his mother moved to Magvel due to business and in hopes of getting a fresh start. Upon moving, he began his new life in Carcino, where he met his first and best friend, Darian. She had been quite lovely but still kinda annoying, but he cared deeply for her all the same. So deeply that the two had shared a relationship for some time that no one but them knew of.

Soloris pushed the door to his house open and led Darian inside. His mom, a single parent, was at work at the time and would be gone for most of the day. Soloris ran to the kitchen to get a can of soda from the refrigerator and offered one to Darian. She accepted it and the two headed into the living room. They sat down together on a couch and Soloris turned on the T.V. with the remote.

_It's been so long since I last hung out with Soloris…_ Darian thought to herself. _Of course, if knoll knew I was here he would probably have a fit._

Soloris changed the channels at a rapid rate in hopes of finding something good to watch. He gave up looking and left TV on a random station which featured the news.

"Are you going to wear pants the whole time you're here?" Soloris asked.

"What are talking about?" Darian replied.

"I mean this is how it always goes, you say you have a new boyfriend then you come over here tell me its not true, then beg me to go down on you…after you cry because you say no one loves you I eventually do…then we end up having sex, I think were back together…then you come to school exhausted and tell me you found a boyfriend finally….so whats up, pants on or not?"

Darian shrugged. "Im serious though I do have a boyfriend, I have for a while"

"sense when, this weekend?." Soloris was growing more excited the more he thought of her. "I can't wait anymore, so come on off with them."

Darian doubted that her husband would be okay with her having a male friend who she used to date, let alone one who still was OFFERING to go down on her. She did have fun whenever she went with Soloris, but she was married now, so that was out of the then again, knoll might never find out.

"You want to, right?" He asked.

She sighed. "no soloris, ive told you I have someone now, how would I get a hicky if I was lieing?

"a vaccum hose?…sorry this is awkward with doing something like that…you know… trying to just be friends I don't like it….would you please go out with me again darian."

"It's no," Darian replied flatly. "We broke up some time ago."

"I know. I just want you back."

Soloris glanced over towards her and saw how she uneasily sat on the couch beside him. He sighed, remember the memories the seat had brought. They had done more than just sit there and watch television together during the time they had dated. One time he poured hot candle wax all over her back while he slapped her across the back with a metal whip. She was an odd one all right, but he did miss her.

Darian and Soloris had been dating but broke up a year before Darian had been spirited away to the past. They had been childhood friends and figured that they knew each other well enough to date. After a while, Soloris began to act funny and asked her to marry him.

_"Sorry, but I just don't like you in that way…I much rather prefer you as a friend." _she said solemnly. Now that she thought about it, he was acting unusual after that moment. He seemed to be in a sort of depressive state. He managed to pull himself out of it as time went on, and he swore to her that it wasn't caused by the break-up.

Just then the news flashed a message on the screen that pulled the two out of their thoughts. The TV read; "The newest discovery by archeologist, Clomerous Cassok."

"stop touching me?" Darian said as the television screen displayed a picture of Cassok.

"oh come on, even if you are telling the truth…he wont ever know if I just played with your boobs a little will he?" Soloris said beggingly. "I mean this does feel nice right?"

"Nope."

"what why not"he said as he pulled away "come on what do you want me to do you, Darian."

She ignored his remark and turned her attention to the television. The newscaster was interviewing Cassok. Darian turned back to soloris

"wanna know the truth,rope, that's what my knoll uses, I love rope"

"Clomerous Cassok has just returned to Magvel from his expedition in Elibe. Today we are interviewing him to learn of his new discovery," The newscaster said as he turned to Cassok. He held the microphone up so the archeologist could speak into it. "Mr. Cassok, could you please explain what sort of research you did here in Elibe?" The newscaster asked.

Cassok smiled. "Well, Im going to destroy the FUCKIN WORLD"

"How exactly did you manage to research through the thick fog surrounding that topic?"

"It was tricky but with good perseverance, ILL DESTROY THE WORLD." Cassok replied.

"We're all excited to know what else you discovered while researching that."

"I WILL HARM YOU," Cassok continued. "it might take a while, but trust me tv land, all of you will die at my hands." Cassok held up a picture of enormous closed doors that spanned all the way up to the ceiling. The doors also had etchings of dragons on them as well. Soloris tensed when he saw the picture. His hand gripped the arm of the couch, but Darian hadn't noticed her friend's actions after he let go of her breasts.

"im goin to use this to destroy you!."

"damn shit just got real!" The newscaster said with awe. "But we pay you money still don't we."

Cassok chuckled. "Now, now. There's no reason to stop paying me money

Soloris shot up from the couch and screamed, "You can't dothis to me darian, im a man and I have needs okay….and I need you, I want you to want me too, I cant put up with this whole "I have a boyfriend, now fuck me" nonsense, I cant okay…if you wont just date me already then fuck off okay, I never want to see you again!"

Darian stood up and seized Soloris's arm. "Soloris, calm down!" Darian said. Soloris took a few deep breaths and sat back down on the couch.

"What came over you?" She asked.

Soloris closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch. He looked utterly fatigued. "a boner" He said.

"a boner? You don't start screaming at me for something you KNOW I wont take care of, I don't like you like that anymore, what else can I say."

"You wouldn't understand…" he muttered.

"I would if you would just tell me!"

Soloris looked Darian in the eyes and said firmly, "I think it's time you head home. I need some time to myself."

Feeling enraged by his rudeness, Darian got up and glared at him. "have fun jerking off." She snarled as she headed out the door.

The return home was not as pleasant as Darian had hoped after getting kicked out of her friend's home. She was introduced to the madness her friends brought upon her house. Food from the cabinets were out of place with boxes left open, the television was destroyed from a chair and a dead Kyle, and the toilet was over flowing.

"What in God's name happened here?" She demanded.

Colm was the first one to answer. "Ok, so first we got hungry and started eating. Then we found the miniature monster in that room." He pointed to the bathroom. "And we figured out what it was used for, but it started gurgling and stopped swirling when we tried to feed it that rubberish duck thing to appease the demon."

"That's not a monster!" She cried out. "It's a toilet! And you don't throw things away in it. JUST SHIT AND PISS

"What's it used for then?"

Darian went into the details of the purpose of the toilet. Her friends looked absolutely horrified by her explanation.

"Now tell me what happened to the T.V." Darian said.

"Is that what you call that big box thing?" colm asked.

Darian nodded. "What possessed you guys to run a chair through it?"

"It was awful, Darian." Neimi said. "there was a lady putting a cucumber in a mans bottom!"

"It's just a show that my parrents watch to be entertained."

"But what the man he was so innocent-"

"They're just actors like in a play. None of it was real."

"Oooohhhh." The 28 said simultaneously. Darain sighed. This wasn't going to be fun to explain to her parents when they got home.

The six were on their own for dinner that night because the parents weren't going to be home before then. Darian's mom called the house just as Darian was making dinner to check up on everything. Darian was able to unclog the toilet (and retrieve her rubber duckie) but was unable to do anything for the dead kyle. She explained to her mom what had happened and her mother attempted to be as calm about it as she could.

Just before they were about to eat, a knock came at the door. "I'll get it." Neimi said as she rushed to answer the door. The little archer ran back to the dining room and told Darian that a boy was at the door for her.

"Uh-oh, you better watch out Knoll," Colm teased. "I here he has a nice cock."

Knoll ignored his remark but followed Darian to the door where Soloris was waiting there for her.

"What is it?" She asked in an unkind tone.

"I just came to say I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier," Soloris said. "I didn't mean to snap like that."

"It's okay, but I just wish you would under stand that I have a boyfriend now!."she said pointing to knoll

His head lowered. "I can't do that," He muttered. "So, um…what about the sex?"

"sexl?" Colm asked excitedly. "I want sex!"

Soloris glanced past Darian and saw her other friends listening in to their conversation. "Who are these guys?" He asked.

"my boyfriends

"I've never seen them around here before," Soloris said as he examined them.

"they only come here to put stuff in me" It was the only thing she could come up with. She couldn't tell Soloris the truth.

"Colm, Lute, and I are from bisexual." Neimi explained, not catching Darian's hints to stay quiet. "and Knoll's married to darian."

Soloris blinked and looked back and forth between them and Darian. "Grado doesn't exist. It was destroyed thousands of years ago. No one lives there because the land's a ravaged wreck, and the constant tremors keep everyone away."

"Well, actuallyyour stupid and that's not what I said," Neimi stated. Darian, Knoll, and Kyle stared at kyle with wide eyes. They couldn't believe he was alive.

Soloris's expression changed to pure shock. "Wh-What are you talking about?"

Neimi was about to explain herself when a bellow came from outside. People screamed as they ran through the streets while being chased by a antilope

"What was that thing?" Soloris asked. "Darian, what is going on here? You have a lot of explaining to do."

SCENE MISSING

He was right. Neimi had completely let out the truth about them being from the past, and what Darian could have lied about was now shot because of MISSING SCENE . "Alright, this is going to take some time, so I suggest we go inside and get comfortable."

"Alright then. How do you know what they are?" Soloris demanded.

Darian sighed. "I don't want to get you involved," She said to her friend.

"It's a little late for that now!"

"I know…"

"Now tell me, how did you get married?"

Darian deeply regretted this more than anything. She was doing a poor job of keeping her secret safe from others. Now her best friend was being dragged into this war, but he had a right to know after what he had just witnessed. "We should go inside," She said while pointing to her house. "This could take a while."

The seven went into the house and walked into the living room. Soloris glanced at the destroyed T.V. and couldn't help but ask, "is that a dead kyle?"

"_**They**_ happened here," Darian grimaced as she pointed to her five friends. Soloris took a seat on a chair while Neimi, Lute and Knoll sat on the couch. Kyle and Colm sat on the floor and Darian stood in between them all.

"Now, where to start…" She said to herself. "I'll just be blunt about it. I was transported to the past to be some kind of savior. I partook in a war, I've been gone for over a year, got married, got addicted to bondage, and returned back here to fight off another growing evil that is spawning from an unknown force."

Darian went more into detail with her story. She explained everything that had happened to her when she had been spirited away to the past. Soloris stayed quiet the whole time, listening intensely to her tale.

"And there you have it." Darian said when she was done. "Any questions?"

"Just a few," Soloris said. "For one, why would you choose knoll?"

"I wish I knew, but he loves me and has a basic knollege of knots and has a huge dick. Why do you ask."

"I mean, I have more physical strength, and a stronger sense of justice."

"Well sorry I chose him instead of you." Darian retorted sarcastically. "Besides, you could never please me after what knoll did to me"

"I bet I can." He said with a mischievous smirk. "Let's see…I helped reclaim a nation from a power hungry fiend. I took down an evil organization called the "Black Fang". I stopped an insane dark druid from opening the gates of hell, more or less. I destroyed a Fire Dragon that was twenty times stronger than me and my fellow soldiers. On top of all of that, I became a tactician for the army that accomplished all of this, and if it weren't for my resourceful genius we would have surly perished, and evil would have triumphed over this world."

Darian's mouth hung open. "What does that have to do with my butt?"

"Oh, and as if that wasn't all, I also managed to endure constant thievery and black mail from one of my dearest friends of that world. I somehow put up with an obnoxious and egotistical cleric who didn't know how to stop talking for more than thirty seconds. I was also robbed of 20,000 gold by some Pegasus Knight who insisted on joining us. I hate mercenaries…"

"…so I still have a bigger dick then you?" Knoll remarked.

Darian was almost lost for words. "So …"

"I was sent to the past as well." Soloris replied. "I can't believe that you did too. That's actually pretty cool."

"cool, but you aren't listening to yourself are yo?"

"Well, it was about three months ago, but I was actually the past for almost two years." Soloris explained.

"I DON'T CARE?"

"You didn't tell me about your little adventure. I didn't tell you because I figured you wouldn't believe me. What's your excuse?"

"That…actually I don't like you anymore? Darian admitted. "But I think you're the one who has some explaining to do. Why are you telling me all of this?"

"That's a long story, but bear with me." Soloris said. "I'll tell you how I was sent to the continent of Elibe thousands of years ago to help against a terrible threat."


End file.
